assbinder delight [teil eins]

few things in this world are better than a downtown dog, wrapped naughtily in bacon, fried on a happenstance griddle, covered in grilled onions…onions that have in turn been frying in the pork fat released from the swine that lovingly cradles a defiantly skanky oscar meyer wiener. turns out i like to eat cheeks, beaks, and assholes more than the next guy.

few things are better than that except for maybe those lovely little puppies served out of similar carts in las plazas de ocotlan. i remember my fat little 11 year-old self greedily scarfing down one or two or three. they were laced with something between a mayo and a crema and came in a steamy bun. surrounded by the sounds of spanish, dazzled by the liveliness of a townsquare, and hungry because i was always hungry, i would look forward to those weekend trips into ocotlan and those hotdogs…my grandmother was always too nice to deny me as many as i wanted, besides, i was a growing boy.

perhaps only other sensuous pleasures––drinking beer, making love, smoking hand roll cigs, smelling the moistened earth of a rural mexican village just after a summer rainstorm––can compare to the experience that a good assbinder affords.

naturally, oscar meyer is shit and should only be consumed when extremely intoxicated or at a baseball game. since i am not white the latter does not apply to me, and since i live in sTa and have easy access to a milieu of tortilla-wrapped delicacies nor does the former.

but my experiences abroad, and specifically with the german-version assbinders, have learned this beaner another, distinct species of assbinder––a species that has been developed over centuries. it’s no wonder my adult palate was re-introduced to all the goodness that can be an assbinder while in germany what with their weißwurst und bratwurst und polischer kielbasa und currywurst und, und, und.

seeing the currywurst man as i exited berlin’s s-bahn at the mitte stop was as unbelievable as watching a woman pump out a lump of wriggling flesh the size of a watermelon. similarly unbelievable not because the currywurst man excreted assbinder from some bodily orifice, but because it was, quite frankly, a remarkable sight: the currywurst man had a flaming-hot griddle strapped to his chest upon which he rotated sizzling assbinders, while he loaded them up with curry-ketchup, conversed with patrons, received money and gave change, and (all the while) managed to not topple over.

the thing to do in germany is drink beer and eat assbinder.

well, it’s not really, but it is a great place to start.

* * *

i sat there listening to professor terror. it was a tuesday night. we were covering barthes’ camera lucida, or kant’s sublime or some such. it was around week ten and by this time i had not so coincidentally befriended the sharpest, most well-read chick in class (who was also, therefore, the hottest). we snickered about the something just as our break approached, and she leaned in real close to tell me about some place she had been to the night before.

“i think it’s called the sausage kitchen,” she said, “but not sausage kitchen in english, sausage kitchen in german.” “like wurstküche,” i say, leaning in a little closer while staring at the piercing just above her lip. “yeah, i don’t know, is that how you say sausage kitchen in german?” “yeah,” i say.
i sit back and listen to her account of this new place in little tokyo. i listen to her say something about a tiny entry space, a long hallway, and the diverse, cool crowd. i interrupt and ask about the assbinder.

what she describes tells me only one thing: i must go to this assbinder kitchen, this wurstküche… .

zauberhour

best white man’s breakfast burrito around

Cafe Lucca in Orange is a nice 19 minute bike ride from my shithole of an apartment in the heart of sanTana. When I have time or when I really need a good Americano I go there instead of going to the AV’s Gypsy Den.

The Gypsy Den wins out for convenience sake. I live three blocks and one alley away from the GD, so when I need to just get down to business and get some work done I hop on The Beast, cycle the two minutes to the GD, and, just as quickly, am served my coffee by Sandrine, Christine, or that one chick that lives in the LB.

And frankly, the GD is home: I first ventured into sanTana during my first year at UCI because of the GD’s open-mic night. That night I met Jack and a handful of other people (some still around)–including that one guy that seems to identify galling behavior with free speech. (Naturally, he does have the right to sound like a jackass.) That night my wife-from-another-life and I hung out in sTa until the sun came up. A couple years later I found myself drinking a brown-bagged flasche o’ something hard on one of those promenade benches until the wee hours of the morn with the ever salacious and usually notorious LGFats–a dude (not “the dude,” but a dude) that would eventually become one of my core partners in crime. (This was all years ago when I was a snot-faced wreck who couldn’t tell his arsch from a hole in the ground.)

Memories aside, this is where the competition stops. In terms of service, Lucca wins out: all servers here are extremely competent, whereas (in my experience) only half of the GD servers are competent… “no one home” comes to mind when I think of the other half at the GD.

Espresso: I can’t get a good shot or Americano at the GD even if I pulled it myself. I think that this is due to their machine, they must not service it consistently enough because their espresso never has creme. Lucca offers up nothing but smooth tasting, awesomely pulled shots–complete with the requisite creme.

But digression gets the best of me, back to the best white man’s burrito around.

Listed on their breakfast menu not as a burrito but as a scramble, the Garden Scramble boasts this description: 3 farm fresh eggs, tomatoes, Portobello mushrooms, spinach, jack and cheddar cheese, atop country potatoes. (Served with 7 grain toast.) $8

I ask for the Garden Scramble, made with only two eggs, and in burrito form. What results is a veg-head’s wet dream. It’s served with their house-made salsa that varies slightly according to which brown dude is manning the grill that morning. When it’s the guy with the bomb-ass, elvis-esque hair, the red salsa rocks a consistency similar to that of chimichurri. I like to mix this with the Cholula (bottles at every table) and spoon it onto each burrito bite along with sour cream (served alongside as well).

This definitely isn’t your taco-truck burrito (claims regarding “authenticity” may now ensue), but for whitelandia Orange, this is the best white man’s breakfast burrito around.

Oh and GD’s beer and wine selection trembles in comparison to Lucca’s.

Cafe Lucca
106 North Glassell Street
Orange, CA
714-289-1255
*Breakfast served until 11am, lunch until 5pm, dinner thereafter.

Am I brown? Or will philosophy be the dearth of us?

Thanks to The Smoker for bringing to my attention tpm’s article “Where are all the women?” written by Brooke Lewis.

And, as mentioned by the Smokers, dip into Feminist Philosophers posts: Mars/Venus frame, What’s Getting Left Out, The Elephant in the Room, and usw..

Certainly, at 22%, women are scarce in philosophy…as are minorities…as are minority women.

a santa ana sunset

Living in the ghettos of sanTana isn’t so bad; sometimes, from your shitty second story apartment above the city’s shadiest bar, you look up and see this… .

vans and a frisbee

sally casanova pre-doc

I encourage everyone who is a 3rd/4th year or MA student at a CSU campus, and who is thinking about pursuing doctoral studies (in any field) to apply for the Sally Casanova California Pre-Doctoral Scholarship.

“The program is designed to increase the pool of university faculty by supporting the doctoral aspirations of individuals who are: current upper division or graduate students in the CSU, economically and educationally disadvantaged, interested in a university faculty career, U.S. citizens or permanent residents, and leaders of tomorrow.  Students who are chosen for this prestigious award are designated Sally Casanova Scholars as a tribute to Dr. Sally Casanova, for whom the Pre-Doctoral scholarship is named. These scholars are exposed to unique opportunities to explore and prepare to succeed in doctoral programs. CSU and UC faculty members are an integral component of this program as they work closely with scholars to prepare them for graduate studies.”

Basically, the folks up at the CSU chancellor’s office want to help students who show academic potential and who may come from a disadvantaged background to successfully enroll into and complete a PhD program, with the hopes that those students will then return as professors to the CSU-system.

The scholarship award includes:
- travel funds for the student (and faculty sponsor) to visit US doctoral-granting institutions and/or to attend professional meetings and conferences (approx. 3000 dollars)
- funds for other related activities, such as student membership in professional organizations and subscriptions to journals, grad school applications and test fees, gre preparation, and the cost of minor research materials
- a summer research internship opportunity at a UC campus or other major research university, fully funded by the pre-doc program, so that the scholar can participate in doctoral-level research prior into enrolling in a PhD program (approx. 5000 dollars).

The applications are released every December and are due mid-March.  I applied during last year’s cycle and was notified in June 2009 that I was a 2009-10 Pre-Doctoral Scholar.  (I was having lunch at Anepalco’s when I heard the news.)  The application is fairly straight forward:
A. Fill out an application (about 2 pages of basic info)
B. Write three essays (300-600 words each): 
1) Describe the field of study in which you would like to pursue a doctoral degree and the research questions or theoretical perspective that interests you.
2) What elements of your educational, research, community service and/or personal experience have contributed to your interest in and preparation for pursuing doctoral study, and your determination to succeed in it?
3) Many professionals with doctoral degrees enter careers to serve as college and university faculty, and most faculty serve a diverse student body. Describe your interest in such a career and experiences that would prepare you for it.

C.) Prepare a budget that delineates how you will spend $3000 if awarded the scholarship
D.) Transcripts and Faculty Evaluation/LOR

When I applied to the program I naturally trolled the internet to see if anyone who had successfully applied had also written about their experience. Nothing came up. For that reason I’m listing my specs, and a word or two about my approach re. writing the essays, choosing a sponsor, etc..

When I applied to the Pre-Doc scholarship I was in the second half of my first-year as an MA student at CSULB (with a 4.0 gpa). I did my undergrad at UCI (ending with a 3.02 over-all gpa, and a 3.22 major-gpa). At UCI I took advantage of the research opportunities they afford their students (e.g., UROP), and completed a couple of indie-studies. My UCI transcript is slightly schizophrenic: mostly As with a handful of Fails sprinkled throughout. At CSULB I continued emphasizing research, and resurrected my gpa (which is one of the reasons why I enrolled into an MA program, instead of applying to PhD programs with an uncompetitive gpa).

Choosing a faculty sponsor: Usually faculty sponsors are chosen based on your field. For example, if I were a history student who is interested in going on into a history PhD program, and have worked closely with history profs in my department, then picking a history prof with whom I’ve worked closely would not only be best in terms of a mentor-mentee relationship, but also, she would be able to guide me in choosing programs, etc. and provide me with a discipline-specific network into which I could potentially tap. I however, come from an undergrad education in philosophy, and am currently enrolled in the CSULB german studies program, with the intention of applying to PhD programs in philosophy. My faculty sponsor is also my grad adviser at LB in the german studies program. Naturally, since he does not do philosophy he can’t really guide me re. programs right for me, networking opportunities, etc., but he can lend general guidance on applying to programs, making oneself competitive for the (not so) distant job market (seven years fly by and one must start preparing oneself now), networking opps outside the phil. discipline, and he does provide excellent support re. my own interests that lie at the cross-section of german and philosophical studies.

Writing the essays: I took a very straightforward and honest approach to writing the essays. I made sure to answer all aspects of each prompt in a fluid, coherent, and persuasive manner. When responding to #2, for example, I made sure to write about how many Latin Americans are in (tenure-tracked) professional philosophy in America today, about 2%. In my personal experience, the almost total lack of brown philosophers in academia has, in some sense, contributed to my determination to succeed in philosophy. I noted in my essay, for example, that at UCI most of the brown people working there are food service and maintenance workers––a few are in the Humanities as professors, and none are in the Philosophy department. My awareness of these issues shapes my commitment to helping reconcile the disparity of diversity in my discipline by doing my part, successfully completing a PhD in philosophy.

Drawing up the budget: I allotted about 1200 for travel, 1000 for a gre prep course, and 800 for grad school apps and journal subscriptions. I had it approved by my adviser as well. My budget has ultimately changed which required approval of a new, revised budget.

We (the Pre-Doc scholars) had our orientation two weeks ago at the Chancellor’s office in Long Beach. There we were able to meet each other, find out more about the (amazing) summer research opportunity, and receive tons of info on how to successfully apply to graduate programs. The orientation also featured a panel of previous Pre-Doc scholars––an invaluable source of real-time advice and information.

A student in a German class that I teach said one of the more profound statements I’ve heard recently: you miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take. He was quoting Gretzky. One year ago when I heard about the Pre-Doc scholarship, and the 300 people that apply to it, and the 70 recipients, I thought, “Wow. I probably won’t get it, but I’ll apply anyway.” I applied to the Pre-Doc, and to another CSU grant, the Summer Research Grant. I didn’t get the Summer Grant (bummer), but I did get the Pre-Doc.

Today I’m taking another shot at something: I am submitting my application for the Fulbright Research Grant.

swinging a let it back

He’s pulls up behind me and asks me if I’m “swinging a let it back.”  I mentally check the position of my balls and respond with furrowed brows.

I don’t think I’m swinging a let it back, but frankly, I don’t know.

“What’s “swinging a let it back?”"

“It’s when you purposefully ride a heavier bike to build strength, for training…” responds the 50 something year old cyclist.  He’s rockin’ something Specialized.

“Well, I guess I am swinging a let it back.  But not by choice.  I can’t really afford anything else right now,” I say as I smile and look down at his ride.  “I figure,” I continue, “that I’ll ride this thing for about a year, save up, and buy something else.  …In the meantime, these are my training wheels.”

“Training wheels huh?  Tell me something, how are you able to get up to 25 mph on that thing?”  Leaving his buddy behind, he had hooked on to me about one mile back.  His Cat Eye senses tell him to tell me how fast I was going.

“Really?  I got up to 25 mph?  Cool!”  I smile big.  The light turns green.  I take off on a wave of adrenaline and a little pride.

I started cycling back in late August.  Since I don’t have a car I had always been a big bus- and city-bike commuter, but I had never donned the tight shorts, exaggerated helmet, or eaten shot blocks. 

Cyclists were these lycra-clad griffins that would fly by me on the San Diego Creek bike trail.  I was the slow, cowboy-booted, jean wearing bicyclist just trying to get to UCI from Santa Ana.

I was becoming bored with running, so when D-Bag randomly told me that he was going on a two-hour ride while I was sitting at the pub located one block from his place, I told him to “give me two minutes,” “let me finish my Devotion,” and “I’ve never ridden before…I mean…you know what I mean.”

That day we cycled up to Yorba Linda from Orange.  A few days later we headed south via the SART to the ocean.  A few days later back north up to Yorba Linda.  A week later I cycled from Santa Ana to CSULB and back a few times.  Two weeks after that we embarked on The Trip: D-Bag and I cycled from Santa Ana to Old Town Pasadena.

I now regularly commute to and from CSULB.

…all on my heavy-ass 1970’s Chicago Schwinn Varsity.

Am I swinging a let it back?  Yeah man, strength doesn’t grow on carbon fiber trees.

performing gender

vaquero on main